Dancing Through Parenthood with IDC
Erica Pinigis teaching with her oldest child
Being a dancer is a difficult, often unsustainable career that engulfs a person’s life for a few short years before physical, emotional, and financial needs become too pressing to continue in dance. What’s another difficult thing? Being a parent. Combine the two and it’s no wonder that very few birthing or primary parents continue dancing into parenthood.
Flash back a few years to the first weeks of the 2020 covid-19 pandemic lockdown. The founding members of IDC came together to attempt to make dance more sustainable, not just to be able to dance through the pandemic, but to try to shift dance industry standards (at least locally) to allow dancers to not just survive, but thrive. A huge part of that was re-evaluating how we structure the collective’s activities to give the most support to our membership, including parents of young children.
We’ve been feeling it out as we go, using the trust built up by our democratic, cooperative culture to continually discuss and evaluate honestly what our membership needs and how we can best fulfill those needs. So far, that has included having children at board meetings, rehearsals, and classes, flexible scheduling, vocal and visible care for each other, and many more subtle acts that are hard to put into words.
Coming into our performances of Memento Mori: Dances of Life, Death, and Rebirth, I have found myself marveling at the parents in the collective and what we’re capable of, especially the mothers of young children. We have a remarkable number of parents of young children represented in this show as choreographers, dancers, and crew.
Because my own choreography in this show is about my own experience dancing into parenthood, I’ve been thinking a lot about how remarkable this is, and I wanted to share with you all some of the complex context that you may not see on stage this weekend.
Here are perspectives and experiences from two parent members of the Isthmus Dance Collective:
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from Aubry:
“When I first reached out to connect with the Isthmus Dance Collective, Erica Pinigis (IDC President at the time) asked when I could meet and I gave a time frame that I knew my husband would be home to take care of our son. Erica responded that the time frame I provided was during their family dinner but I was welcome to come over anyway. I realized with instant relief that this was not a group of artists I had to hide my parenthood from. I wouldn't be seen as a liability because I had an 8 month old that required a lot of my time and attention. In this space, being a parent would be respected and accommodated. Instead, we arranged a time for me to come over with my son in the morning. This was a member "interview" yet my baby and Erica's toddler sat right at the table with us while we talked. I multi-tasked toys and snacks for my son while I talked about my history and interest in IDC. When he got cranky, I stood up and bounced him to sleep while Erica shared with me IDC's mission and vision. I left full of joy and gratitude because the meeting proved that IDC would be a perfect fit artistically and as a parent. It's not lost on me how special that is.
At the time, nearly all of IDC's membership had known one another in the Madison dance community for many years, yet I never felt like an outsider. As a pandemic move-in, the IDC membership instantly welcomed me as if I were a long-time friend. As a young mom, they have always offered me grace when I needed it and showed genuine interest in my son and parenting journey. Even just having them wave to my son sitting on my lap during a Zoom board meeting signals what an accepting space this is. My son is part of me and to have such an important part of me accepted by other artists I admire and care for means the world.
Other arts organizations can take note that a big part of IDC's parent affirming culture comes from its top leadership. IDC's founding President is a parent who isn't ashamed to be open about it. Her attitude exudes confidence that parenting and art making are indeed compatible, which empowers other parent artists to do the same. The Collective's new President is not currently a parent of young children, but continues the culture around parent artists easily because he's equally committed to it and because it was embedded into the very groundwork of the organization from the beginning.
For any organizations looking to be more parent-friendly, I would invite them to open their minds to a broader definition of what professionalism looks like. When IDC parents need to bring their kids to rehearsal, they give everyone a heads up. When parents need to do bedtime routine during a Zoom meeting, they mute themselves and comment in the chat box instead. When parents need to nurse a baby during a dress rehearsal, they plan the timing strategically around the show order. That's still professionalism. I would encourage any skeptics to watch IDC operate and see how the job still gets done, all while creating an environment of joy and respect around the many roles we each play.
A parent affirming organization isn't really parent affirming; it's actually person affirming. If you respect the members of your organization as 3-dimensional beings and not only for what they were hired to do, I think you'll find that your culture becomes not only welcoming to parents but to everyone.”
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from Luella:
“The hardest thing about continuing to dance after becoming a parent for me was the lack of time. Many companies require hours and hours of (unpaid) rehearsal every week. This is hard enough to manage as a childless adult who still has bills to pay, but as a parent each hour of rehearsal costs you, either in $$ for childcare or that feeling of debt to your partner as you leave them in charge of all the children. I became very sensitive to feeling like my time was being wasted if i was at a rehearsal where it turned out that i didn't actually need to be. I became more and more choosy about what I was willing to use my limited time for. I said 'no' more often. If something starts feeling like a burden or an obligation, it's time to stop.
Things I appreciate about IDC as a parent: schedule flexibility. No expectations of “permanent availability” for a set rehearsal schedule. Kids being welcome at rehearsals. Grace for last minute changes based on illnesses or childcare. A dream for the future of companies that have childcare onsite, or where members take turns staffing a kid dance class in one room while adults train in the other.”
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Are these revolutionary ideas? Not by any means, but they’re also not industry standard. We don’t have all of the answers but we’re committed to continually striving for better together. And just like the cyclical nature of life, highlighted this weekend in Memento Mori, we’re supporting each other and our larger Madison community through all phases of life; a village raising each other up through birth, aging, death, and rebirth. We’re dancing together through life.
Luella and Aubry are only two of many dancer parents who are participating in this weekend’s performances of Memento Mori, and their described experiences are just an introduction to the complex conversation we’ve been having around dancing as a parent.
If you’d like to hear more, take a listen to this interview I did with Sande of the Her Turn program on WORTfm Community Radio this past week.***
With much love,
Erica Pinigis
Member and Vice President
Isthmus Dance Collective
*** transcript coming soon
